DJ Khaled’s new furniture line is luxurious and ridiculous

2 min

-1 points

I’m sitting in Hemmingson, listening to DJ Khaled resisting a strong urge to stand up and milly rock. The song includes the inspirational sound of air horns every other word and the yelling of simply genius phrases such as “another one,” “We da best,” and “major key.”

Maybe you are familiar with the public figure famous for repeatedly yelling his own name in songs to assure his listeners that they are in fact listening to him in case they somehow forgot or are extremely confused, which is likely within his fanbase.

I’ll be honest, aside from knowing the entirety of Khaled’s song “All I do is Win,” I’m not well versed in DJ Khaled trivia, but when I heard the king DJ Khaled himself was starting a furniture line, I cried tears of joy. The natural next step in a rapper’s career, skipping the step of creating their own hard liquor line and going straight to luxury furniture. Makes sense. When I think DJ Khaled, I immediately think luxury furniture. Just kidding.

His furniture brand is called “We The Best Home.” It is a collaboration between Goldition and DJ Khaled and issplit up into five collections: Baller, Major Key, Icon, Lion and No They.

When browsing through his furniture line, the “Kingdom of Khaled Throne Chair” really stood out to me. I thought it would look ravishing in my apartment and I don’t think my suitemates would mind seeing a stunning $2,500 throne adorned in golds, texturized blacks and red velvetin the middle of our living room standing at 6’4.”

What really sold me was the description on Goldition’s website which described it as “the flagship piece that truly represents DJ Khaled, his heart, his soul, and his zest for extravagance and all things regal.”

Who wouldn’t want to feel like royalty in their own home? We all have a little part of us that wants to be a DJ. Purchasing luxury furniture is the first step toward achieving that dream.

Imagine typing your philosophy essay while sitting on a throne. It would make the experience so much better. Definitely worth $2,500. We all deserve to feel powerful and extra. Who knows. Maybe the throne chair will be your next intoxicated online purchase. We’ve all been there.

Another extravagant piece found in his collection was the $700 “Dreams Unlocked Dresser” which is adorned with black key-shaped handles putting the keys to living life in your hands every morning as you wake up and start your day.

A piece which I found to be painfully representative of the Khaled’s brand is the “dreams unlocked bed.” It is a massive gold bed frame in the shape of a key of course. I think what Khaled is trying to say with this piece is that sleep is one of the keys to life. He’s not wrong. No sleep will eventually lead to death.

After browsing through the jaw dropping “We The Best Home” collection, I’m beyond hyped and inspired to spend every dollar I have ever earned to decorate my home as if I am a world famous hip-hop producer and I recommend you do the same.

In DJ Khaled’s words, “You gotta water your plants. Nobody can water them for you.” My interpretation of this quote is that life won’t simply present you with beautiful luxury furniture. You have to open up your laptop, go to his furniture catalogue and order his furniture yourself, no one can do that for you except you. You have to work hard in order to play hard.

If I’m going to go broke, I want it to be because of DJ Khaled’s furniture line, and nothing else.

Mic drop.

Artwork by:

H/T The Gonzaga Bulletin

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